Pictures of Blair
by ladyand
Summary: Chuck flees NY. Feeling numb and guilty he now spends his nights looking at pictures of Blair. "This was the only time I could close my eyes and feel her love. The only time when I could fool myself into believing that it was still real." Now a three-shot. Set after 3x22.
1. Picture of You

Looking through many pictures for this slideshow, I am making for my family. And while listening to Picture of You from The Cure I was inspired. It is going to be a two-shot fic. Angsty fic.

Timeline: OC after season three. Chuck leaves New York and does not get shot or meet Eva in this. It has been a year and Blair is now engaged to Louis. He spends his nights looking at pictures of Blair.

Warning: Drug Use, Prostitution

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Gossip Girl or Picture of You.

 _I've been looking so long at these pictures of you_

 _That I almost believe that they're real_

 _I've been living so long with my pictures of you_

 _That I almost believe that the pictures are_

 _All I can feel_

 _-The Cure Pictures of You_

There is something beautiful about the rain in London. It does not rain as often as I would like but when it does, it is beautiful. The people here pull it off so much better than those in New York do. A freak rainstorm in New York will leave the streets empty of people and cars moving slow in the traffic. In London, people brace the rain with umbrellas and rain boots or no rain gear at all. They all move so fast and never looking up as they push past you. For man who used to take a limo everywhere I relish walking in the rain from work to my apartment building. The ten-minute walk suits me. Those hits on shoulders from strangers rushing by or puddles splashing on me while the rain soaks my bones until they are bitterly cold makes me feel. In fact, it is the only time I feel these days.

When I arrive at my building, I find that the walk was too short today or maybe this is becoming numb to me as well. The sound of my silk socks against me leather shoes earned me looks from the doorman. I ignore him as I make my way to the penthouse elevator sliding my key in. The door closing the world behind me.

Staring at myself in the glass, I could see myself standing alone. It is the way I have been for the past year. I fled New York after my horrible breakup with Blair. We had rough patches before. Hell all of senior year was a rough patch but the feeling of escalation to nothingness was too much to bear. In a matter moments the look on her face when I began to drop on one knee elevated me to new heights and then the sorrow on her face with the realization of my betrayal was too much for her to bear. I disappointed her again. Only months after trading her like property, I broke her heart further. I knew my engagement was only putting a Band-Aid on what occurred with Jack but it was my way of trying. Blair loved romantic gestures. I did what I do best after the debacle. I fled. After four months of trying to lose myself in between the bodies of women and in bottles of whatever liquor I could grab I had a wakeup call that sent me to London.

My call came in Prague when in a lowly brothel house I was offered a young woman with eyes like Blair. It scared me how she looked at me. She asked me what service I wanted after from her as she began to prepare a needle to shoot up. As she handed me the needle filled with heroin her brown eyes turned and looked at me. Her eyes, Blair's eyes, looked sad and scared. In that moment, I thought my only options were trying to erase it the pain I felt or to live with the guilt. I must have spaced out for a moment because the girl asked if I was okay. I asked her how old she was with my limited Czech. She looked ashamed as she said sixteen. Her blush reminded of Blair yet again. I grabbed the needle and threw it across the room. I clutched her hand as I pulled her out of the room and out of the building. I gave her pimp who watched the door a thousand for the night. Her terrified expression only ceased when I took her to a diner to feed her. She ate and ate. I knew better than attempting to have a real conversation with the girl. My Czech was limited to sex positions and cocktails. As she ate, I sobered up and sipped on water.

"You from America?" She asked surprising me with her English. It was spoken with a heavy accent but I was impressed.

"Yes, from New York," I offered.

"New York City? I've seen it in movies," She asked. I nodded my head as I sipped my water. "Beautiful, no?"

"Amazing actually," I admitted.

"Why you leave?" She asked. I was silent and she was looked at me with concern. She was concerned for me. My heart broke for her. Caring for other before herself reminded me yet again of my lost love one. I knew she was not Blair and my drunk comparison were probably hallucinations but the sense of protection I felt for her was large.

"A girl... a women… I broke her heart, "I said sadly.

"You have money, why doesn't she want you?" In her world money was anything but I had the luxury in mind that it was just part of our world. If anything, the money caused the problems with my hotel.

"Not that simple," I told her. "I made a mistake."

"Then apologize, "she told me.

"It's beyond apologizing," I explained my anger coming forth and betraying me.

She was silent. I began to look on my burner smartphone to try to find a shelter or home to take her in. Finding a catholic safe haven forty minutes out the city to take her to I asked her she would be interested in leaving this life. She agreed and I told her tomorrow our lives would both get better. I let her shower and slept in my rundown motel room. I stood up the whole night a bit afraid of her pimp coming to find me after I did not return her. Anne was her name. I needed to get her out of here. There was a reason she had Blair's eyes I told myself. I felt like I owed it to Blair to save this girl. In a way, Blair's eyes were saving me. Maybe if her life could be saved from the darkness my life could too. She was my savior as much as I was hers in the moment.

We rode in the taxi together away from the city. I handed her a paper with my number and told her to call if she ever needed. When she left the last words, Anne told me were "she at least deserves an apology." I knew she did. I just did not have the words.

I flew out to London that day and took over Bass European operations. Lily was happy to hear from and begged me to come to New York. But I couldn't. I was done with that city. The Empire State building only served as a reminder of what I lost. My contact was slim, I texted Nate here and there and Skype with Eric a few times. Beyond that, I threw myself into my work and then I came home to my empty apartment.

I walked into that apartment tonight soaking wet. Pulling my clothes off in the hallway until I was bare. Naked I walked through my apartment the heat of the run pricking my cold skin. My skin was burning and itching from the change in temperature was a welcome feeling to the numbness that I usually felt. When it wore off, I showered and put on silk pajamas. It was time to start my nightly routine. My night with Blair.

I poured a scotch and laid on the couch in the living room my tablet in hand. Funny how I spent less than a year with Blair Waldorf but every major happy memory I have come from that year. My life did not begin before her and ended with her. These photos were all I had of her now. Hovering returning to new York left me with no physical item. Just photos that remained on my I cloud of my old life. First, I would begin by scrolling through the society pages and gossip sites for photos of her. She was engaged now to be married to a Prince. She was the American Princess or future one that is. The pictures were reminders of how she was no longer mine but it also reminded me how beautiful she is. I also felt a bit of smugness when I noticed their outfits were not perfectly coordinated the way we used to. She smiled with him, her prince in all the photos. I wonder if he knew her I like I did. How evil and manipulative she could be. How she could dream the most impossible things. She was a dreamer and yet a realistic. I loved her for it. Was his Blair mine? I flipped through the photos looking to see if I could determine how she was. A few weeks ago, she got into a major car crash on the way to JFK. She was in the hospital for four days. The only major visible injury was a cast on her right arm. I could imagine how annoyed she would be trying to dress with the cast. I sent her flowers with no card. I wanted to call but did not know what to say. I called Nate and he told me in all the details without me having to ask. A photo taken today outside of her apartment building entering a limo was the last one of the day. She was wearing a beautiful green trench. Green the color she wore when I told her I loved her. The color she wore when I almost proposed. I zoomed in closer to her face and studied it. There was a cease between her brows and she was not smiling. My fingers ghosted over the photo. I saved it to a folder I had.

It was with a sigh that switched over to begin looking at our photos always selecting different ones depending on my mood. They were a collection of photos and videos I had of us. First, I had photos of Bart's funeral. It was a sad time for me but it was also the time that Blair lifted me up and carried me through. I looked back at the professional photos of that day. I was a lost boy falling into her arms and she was my world. I fled then to. Looking at her in her black dress and pearls, I stare at it as I sip my drink. The first day she said I love you to me and I walked away from her. Photos of our summer together. There were so many as if Blair and I wanted to document every moment. I selected a photo of our hands just holding each other that Blair took to tease me. It almost looked real. I could feel her hand in mine. My small delicate hand that was always warm to my cold ones. I closed my eyes as I began to feel again. Then the next photo of her smiling at me the smile she only shared with me after her first week at NYU. After she came home that day to lay with me the next morning I made sure she had her favorites for breakfast. I told her how amazing she was and she looked right at me through me. As if, she could see into the depths of my soul. Remembering her through these photos always made me feel closer to her but it was the videos that made me mad with sorrow that she was no longer in my life.

I wanted that sorrow today as I clicked on my favorite video. She was sleeping on our bed naked and the light from the sun was blasting into our windows. In fact, it was what woke me up so early after a wonderful night with her. The sheet on her hips as I walked to the side of the bed sitting next to her. My hand reaching out to touch her face and when my fingers brushed her lip, in the video, I felt my own fingers tingle at the same time. Her eyes began to open slowly.

"Chuck," she groaned obviously annoyed. My chuckle in the video and currently drifted over each other mingling at her flashing eyes when she saw the phone. Realizing I was recording she pulled the sheet up. "Are you trying to make a sex tape Bass?"

"Come on you would love it if I did," I told her. We were only dating four weeks at the time. Everything was so new and wonderful. She laughed outright.

"You are probably right," she told me. "But this isn't that."

"Oh really what is this," I told her playfully as I tugged on the sheet.

"This is me telling you I love you, Bass. We have been through hell to get here," she looked right at the camera now speaking to me. "But I am so happy we are here. I know that no matter where life takes us I will always love you. I loved you before I even knew I did or how or even when it began. But it has always been you there for me when I needed. You make me feel beautiful, loved, wanted, brilliant, funny, and so strong Chuck. You have the ability to break me into a thousand pieces. Regardless I needed us to try to make this work. I know it is going to be complicated and passionate but it will be worth. I don't know how to love any other way then being so intimate with you that your pain is mine and mine if yours," she spoke into my soul that day and now. Kissing her, I dropped my phone that was recording the event ending the video. Closing my eyes, I remembered the memory where the video ended. The feel of her skin, the taste of her lips…

A ringing snapped me out of my night. I grabbed my phone to see it was the front desk.

"Mr. Bass there is someone who is here to see you and they are refusing to leave until I called up." I had a very strict no guest policy and I wondered who came that was so stubborn. Wiping the tear from my eyes asked who they were. Who was interrupting my night with photos of Blair? This was the only time I could close my eyes and feel her love. The time when I could fool myself into believing that it was still real.


	2. I Saw Your Photo in the Paper

A.N: Very happy to see the reviews this fic has gotten. It means a lot to me. Remember the timeline in this fic is way off the original show's season four timeline.

Check out my longer fic Dangerous Affection that is still ongoing. It is a Chair rewrite of season 1.01-1.07.

Disclaimer: I a do not own Gossip Girl.

* * *

"A Mr. Archibald and a Miss van der Woodsen," I was informed.

"I don't know them," I bite out annoyed and hoping they would just go away. In the background, I heard Serena yell that she was my sister. I blanched. She was desperate. I threw back the last of the amber liquid that remained in my glass while shutting off my tablet. Informing the door attendant that they could come up I tried to ready myself for their visit. I knew that whatever this was it was no good. Nate and I texted regularly so he would have mentioned a trip to London if this was planned. Soon the elevator brought up my uninvited guest.

"Nathaniel, sis," I said casually as if a year had not gone by. Nate was soaked from the rain that was pouring down while Serena looked dry as a bone as she took off her trench and placed the umbrella by the entrance. I started at them longer than usual trying to determine if they were here running from something or here to talk to me. "Come Nathaniel, I'll show you a guest room so you can dry off rather than drip on my carpet. Make yourself a drink, _sis,"_ I said in a way to show her I heard her comment over the phone. She never played the sister card and now I was definitely going to hold her to it.

"I was the one who brought the umbrella and I look like this," Nate said comically. His joke did nothing to relieve the tension in the room nor did it make anyone smile.

Walking through the vast penthouse, I was uneasy. No one has entered up here besides the help. The few women I took in London when I was extremely lonely never came up here. This was my own personal hell of sort. My loneness and guilt touched every surface from the stark glass windows along the length to the black future and steel accents. Devoid of color. Devoid of life. I looked over my shoulder to see Nate shaking the water out of his hair and felt reassured that Nate would not see my décor as a reflection of myself.

"There should be towels and a bathrobe in bath," I told him as I opened the door. Even though I never had company, my interior designer staged each room with enough of the essentials in each room. I think I even had bakeware for some reason.

"Chuck," Nate reached out for me desperation laced into my name. I eyed him suspiciously. Nathaniel always showed his hand too soon. "You need to come back, man."

"New York is not where I belong," I told him.

"She needs you." I was only grateful he did not say her name aloud. I looked away from him afraid that the past year made me worse at hiding my feelings. The mask was not needed in a world where no one knew the real me. I did not answer him and I hoped he would just enter the room. "When I gave her up at the end of high school, I thought I was giving her to you not some actual Prince Charming. She is playing pretend with this guy. We all know it. But she is shutting everyone out after… look she needs you. No one gets her like you do. You need her too," Nate told me. I realized then that in the year I was gone Nathaniel really did grow up.

"That is long over. History," I lied coolly. I was happy that still came easy to me. He looked at me questionably. Apparently, Nate also became smarter. I wanted to roll my eyes at his stare down mine was better than that by kindergarten. "Listen, I know you are trying to be a friend and think you are doing what is best for me-"

"No. I am not here to do what is best for you Chuck. I am here to do what is best for her. For the girl I spent half my life thinking I was going to marry. For the girl I loved first. I am here hopping that I let her go to the man that was actually going to be stand by her side and love her," Nate spat out angrily. I began to question the past two years and his feelings for Blair. Quickly the jealousy that Nate caused in Blair's relationship and mine came tumbling back.

"Look here Nathaniel. No. one. No one will ever love her the way I do. You especially," I said with more fire than I had outside of the boardroom in months. The challenge that I did not love Blair was insulting to my ego and my pride took over. He dragged his hand over his face and into his hair as he searched for words. Then he smiled.

"So there is hope," he said. I realized then I walked into his trap. Nathaniel got game it seemed. I nodded at him and walked away back into the living room. I was on edge knowing that they were here to speak about Blair and not for their own issues.

The blonde flowing hair seemed out of place in the masculine room and she looked even more uncomfortable. She was pacing in the area in front of the black loveseat. I took a seat in the chrome armchair that faced the loveseat opposite. She came choose the matching chrome armchair and looked right at me. She was here to talk. I looked at her and instantly when our eyes met, hers filled with tears.

"You never tried to get into contact with me," she said sadly. The guilt was instantly eating at me. It was true I texted Nate, skyped with Eric, had weekly calls with Lily and even sent Blair flowers after her accident.

"I thought you were going to be team Blair," I answered weakly. I felt my throat tighten and I wished I had poured myself a drink.

"I was… I am… No there are no teams. Maybe team Blair and Chuck. But the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, remember," she reached out to hold my hand and I nodded in responded. I was afraid my voice would crack or something. This was the most real sincere human interaction I had in a long time. After the rain and pictures of Blair, I was already raw. "When Nate told me he was coming I needed to come see you myself. When you went missing, we were all so worried. At first, I thought you were being good to Blair to give her that space but then it was going on two months and everyone was worried. Mom would have these nightmares of you alone in a hospital or dead on a street and me and Eric would spend the entire afternoon calling hospitals in Europe and Asia. We had P.I.s on you in every freaking continent. And I… I," was all she got out before the crying took over. Standing up and grabbing her for a hug was second nature. The protective feelings that overtook me for Van der woodsen was ever so strong.

They were the family that took me in and loved me for my flaws. My family. We shared no blood or last name but Lily always treated me as hers. Eric and Lily I bonded with so quickly. While I never thought my sibling relationship with Serena was that strong I realized in this moment that in the distance it grew. Serena was the person that I could slip and tell my feelings about Blair to. The person who knew what it was like to try to outgrow the image you created for yourself before you were even eighteen. The one who grew up in a one-parent household for most of their lives, and in many ways she understand my sadness better than Nathaniel did. When she stopped crying I pulled away from her and told her, I was making us drinks.

"Yes. Liquor is needed," she was trying to smiled.

"I am sorry I never called or text or whatever. But I did in fact miss you," I told her. And she beamed from across the bar. "I here that you are still trying to decide if you want Golden Boy or Lonely boy," I teased.

"That's a story for another day," she said shaking her head.

"Happy to see that Serena and revolving men problems are still a thing," I joked handing her the martini I made.

"Shut up, Chuck," she retorted but it lacked its usual bite. Finished making Nathaniel and my drink I brought them over to the couch where Serena and I sat next to each other.

"We all miss you Chuck, but Blair needs you," she told me.

"No she doesn't," I said with less aggression than I used on Nathaniel.

"She does," Nate said joining us in robe while dying his hair. I rolled my eyes. He sat to our left on the loveseat and grabbed the drink. He finished it quickly.

"Umm…maybe I should start," Serena said while looking at Nate after the silence was beginning to build.

"No I need to. I lied to you. I am no good at phone calls. When you called after Blair's accident, I did not know what to say. That is why I needed to come and see and look you in the eye you before I told you" Nate began. The idea that Blair was somehow more hurt than a fractured right wrist gave me chills as I straight up straighter. Nate and Serena shared a look before he started again. "She is… I mean she was…fuck," Nate rambled on.

"She was pregnant Chuck," Serena said blurted out quickly with no tact.

The breath I was going to take never made it to my lungs. The world stopped in that moment. Blair, my Blair was going to be a mother to another man's child. The feelings that I felt when I discovered the engagement four months ago came rushing back to me. She did not need me in her world anymore. She was living another life without me. I stood up and walked over to the bar. Grabbing the stainless steel metal surface, I bowed my head urging myself to calm down when all I wanted to do was destroy every piece of glass in the room. Blair with another man hurt like hell but the idea that she created something with someone else stung me. She created a life with someone. No matter all the kink and roleplaying we did together Louis shared something with her that I never did. I could just imagine her being the most amazing mother and reading all those baby books with a fierce paranoia. I would have calmed all of her fears about the baby while ensuring every craving and desire was satisfied. Banging down onto the surface, I let out a growl that I was trying to hold down.

"Chuck," I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned quickly. I almost forgot they were here. They were not supposed to be here. This was my place. The anger must have radiated off me since Nate took his hands off as soon as we shared eye contact. "There is more." I did not know if I could take more. I stood with my back pressed again the bar.

"Tell me," I told them afraid to move and walk back to them.

"She lost the baby in the accident Chuck. Now she is losing herself. She needs you. You are the only one who gets through to her. Louis always needs to return to Monaco. She is alone." Nate said. When I was silent, long enough he moved away from me and back to the sitting area.

"I am only the darkness that brings her down. If I go, I am only going to cause her ruin faster. Anyway, she is engaged. That is not something she would do lightly she must love him. I rather her be happy with someone else than chase after her and make her miserable" I said moved back to join them. I took a defeated seat and joined them.

We did not really speak for a while after that. I was lost in my thoughts of Blair. Nate and Serena kept looking at each other. Finally, Serena got up to refill our drinks. I listened to her mix the cocktail shaker rapidly to make up for the silence in the room. I enjoyed the silence. It was my new normal. When the drink was passed into my hand, I studied it. Martinis were Blair's drink when she wanted a buzz. I only ever drank scotch. Nevertheless, when I had the bar stocked I had it stocked with the best scotch and the ingredients for Blair's drink along with her favorite Dom. Gin, not vodka, vermouth, and martini olives with a cocktail shaker on hand, and the best martini glasses. I never expected her to come here but sometimes I got lost in daydreams of her showing up and I would offer her a drink. Then I would make love to her on the bar. But it would never happen. She would not look good against the stainless steel counter. She always looked better against my dark wood bar in the Palace suite or the black bar in the penthouse in the Empire.

"What I am saying never leaves this room. I am only doing this because I think it is in Blair best interest," Serena said starting me from my thoughts. Placing the untouched drink on the coffee table, I turned to look at her.

"Blair was four months pregnant…," she said slowly looking back and forth between Nate and I letting her voice trail off.

"She has only been engaged for four months. So you are saying that they only…" I stopped myself before I finished my sentence. I would not matter I told myself. I needed to stay away from her. Her life was better when I was not a part of it. I was silent.

"Chuck, why are you doing this? You still love her. You just told me no one will love her the way you do," Nate said clearly frustrated with my silence.

"Don't you get it? Love was never the problem. As much as I love her and need her what she needs is me out of her life," I spat at them. Who were they to show up here and demand that I seek out Blair?

"Bullshit!" Serena said yelling as she jumped up from her seat. She began pacing again until she stopped and looked right at me. "I was there after her accident. Louis was on a plane somewhere. Her parents in France, so I was the only one there when the doctor told her she lost the baby. You know Blair. She piles so much on one idea and that baby was it. It was all she talked about… it was the only thing that made her really smile these past months. When the doctor told her, she was hysterical… I've never seen… they needed to sedate her with a mediation. Chuck, it was not Louis or the baby she was crying out for it was you. She was sobbing out your name. I thought she was over you too. But she isn't. She's not. You're what she wanted in her darkness moment. What she needed" The tears were streaming softly down her eyes as she sat down again looking to the floor. Nate looked down as well.

"We leave tomorrow at 7am," I said as I got up and walked to my bedroom before Serena's words pierce me too deep. I was never the type to let those around me see into my emotions and I was not going to start now.

As soon my head hit the bed the images of Blair in a hospital room crying out for me began to break me apart. I felt actual pain in my heart at the images of a hysterical calling out for me while I failed to show up. I lifted half my body on my elbow as I leaned over the bed and grabbed the photograph I kept on my night table. It was a solo shot of her. The same shot I had paid a person take of her when she was feeling down about NYU. I told her then that when she forgot she was Blair Waldorf to remember that I am Chuck Bass and I loved her. I kept it there for the same purpose to remind myself that I am Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf once loved me. Even if it was only just once, it was enough. I am coming to atone I told the photograph. Placing it back on the night table I laid my head on the pillow staring at the photo until my eyes began too heavy my final thoughts were about Dumbo's magic feather.

In the morning, Serena reminded that Eric was graduating from high school in four days and if I would stay in the city to attend. I packed enough suits for a week unsure about how my meeting with Blair would go or even what I wanted to say. Nate and Serena had fallen asleep but the nerves were keeping me wild awake. We were flying somewhere over the ocean in the Bass Industries Jet when my phone rang. An unknown number to my very private cell phone was strange. Only certain people ever received this number.

"Hello," I asked curiosity.

"Hello. It is Anne, do you remember me, Sir," the voice asked. I remembered the girl in Prague instantly.

"Yes. Of course, Anne. How are you? Is everything okay?" I asked concerned. It has been almost eight months since I had given her this number and she never called before.

"Yes. But I am just calling to say thank you Mr… I don't know your name," she told.

"Just call me Chuck," I told her. She told me all about her experience while apologizing for not calling sooner. She explained that at first she hated me as she detoxed and adjusted to the lonely environment in her broken English. Then she was ashamed for hating me and did not call but she was encouraged by a nun at the home she was it. She wanted my forgiveness and I gave it quickly and asked for where I could send her mail. I wanted to send her money and thank her for what she did for me too. She told me she wanted to write about me for an essay she was writing but did not even know my name. We laughed over it.

"Did you apologize to your woman?" she asked with all the curiosity of a teenage girl.

"Planning to but not yet," I informed her with a smile at the irony of Anne calling me today.

"Good. That is good," she told me. "Father Dominic says that before we ask for forgiveness we must try to forgive ourselves."

"What I did to her I can't forgive myself for. Plus wallowing in guilt makes me feel better," I tried to explain. I needed someone to understand why I lived in my own induced misery.

"That's no good so what do you do for fun?" she asked. It was a youthful question that struck me. I do not really do anything for fun these days.

"I look at her photo," I explained weakly. There is something about talking to a stranger that makes it easier than my own friends. I glanced at them to make sure they were still sleeping.

"Father Dominic says it is not good to live in the past," she informed. The past was all I had.

"Well I am great at it," I retorted as I rolled my eyes at her foolish wisdom.

"I'll pray for you. You brought me out of the darkness I want the same for you. Remember when I thought money was everything. It isn't. Love, faith, and hope are everything," she shared with me. I could not help but smile at her kindness for others over herself. I wondered if like Blair she had a bad streak and if some boy would come around to break her heart.

I wanted to make a joke about this is what happens when I send her to Catholic orphanage but I withheld. "Thank you Anne," was all I could muster with a slight chuckle but thanked her again as we said our goodbyes. Long after our conversation, I thought back to what she said. Living in the past was the only thing I did these days. She was right I was still in the darkness. Yes, I was successful in business but I was still only a shell of myself. I knew I loved Blair that was a given but I lost the faith that I had in our relationship being inevitable. Hope was scary to me. The last time I hope for something was when I waited on the top of the Empire State Building for Blair to show up. Yet, when I stepped off the plane in New York my mantra in mind were her words: love, faith, and hope.

When we got to city at nine in the morning New York time and I want to go straight to see Blair. But Serena persuaded me to first stop by and see Lily. I did and within moments, I was agreeing to stay until Eric's graduation. Leaving the Van der Woodsen penthouse, I was feeling lighter and freer than ever before. I left loved and cared for in a way that I thought was lost to me years ago. No matter how things at Blair's turned out, I was going to have gained something from this trip. My family. I was even considering moving to New York City once Blair relocated with her Prince.

When the elevator opened on to the penthouse the memories of Blair and I came back to me. It felt like I was coming home. Dorota looked shocked but happy to see me. As I stepped into the threshold, I was surprised to be grabbed and hugged by her.

"We have been very worried Mister Chuck," was all she said before she walked to the stair to yell out to her charge that she had a visitor.

I stood in the foyer watching the stairs until she slowly came into view. I took in every part of her as she wore a navy dress wrap dress with neon green piping with blue and white pumps. She looked beautiful and classy as ever. The photos I stared failed to capture her aura and her glow. She truly was breathtaking. Her eyes widened as she realized I was her visitor and my name silently fell from her lips as if she was breathing it out. I walked to the foot of the stairs entranced by her without a word. It was like her presence was pulling my heart towards her and I lost control of my body for my heart belonged only to her. She stopped at the last step. Reaching out with her left hand, she cupped my face. My eyes closed as I pressed my head into her hand. It was only when I felt the ring on her finger that I stood up straight again and righted my posture. My ring never made it to her finger. Her hand fell to her side.

"Are you back for good?" she whispered to me and I could see her hands trembling as she grasped them tightly together.

"No. I am in town for Eric graduation," I lied. She gave me a sad soft smile. "Congratulations are in order. I've seen your picture all over the place," I told her with a tight forced smile.

"Thank you. And you, I have seen your photo in the paper constantly especially in Forbes. Bass Inc. European Branch is soaring," she complimented. I wonder if she stared at my photos the way I did hers.

"I wanted to earn the company's respect. Hopefully become a better person. The person you always thought I could be," I said thinking of the photo that set by my bed that watched over me.

"You were always that person. It had nothing to do with me Chuck. I loved you because you were was always brilliance in you even in the darkest moment," Loved as in use to love. No longer. My hopes at whatever I was trying to accomplish here were diminished.

"Blair I am sorry for everything. I am sorry I never told you I loved you when I did. I am sorry for running away from you at every turn. I am sorry for treating you like property. I am sorry for not waiting at the Empire State Building. I am sorry I casted so much darkness into your life. I am sorry that my love destroyed you," I confessed to her as a single tear fell down her face. She wiped it with her left hand.

"You did not destroy me. It takes more than even Chuck Bass to destroy me. If I am what is keeping you from living here in New York and from your family than you should come back Chuck they miss you…. I miss you," she whispered to me. I wanted nothing more than to reach out to her. So I did. My hand lightly held on to her cheek and I leaned in to kiss her. She pulled away and looked down.

"I am engaged to be married." She looked down to her hands. One had a cast and the other had a ring.

"Yes, of course. I just came to apologize and say hi," I told her as I stepped back and ran my hand through my hair feeling foolish. "You look ravishing," came out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

She looked away almost as if I had pained her. "I have an appointment I need to go to," she told me. I reached for her hand to kiss it goodbye when I remembered the ring. I grabbed her face softly and leaned in to kiss her forehead. She leaned into me and sighed. I took the time to smell her hair as I kissed the crown of her head again. My lips were tingling and my body was yelling at me to take her then and now. But she made her choice. I knew I would always love her and she would always love me in her way.

I weakly nodded and walked into the elevator away from her. My fingers were still tingling from her touch. Every fiber in my body was burning and yelling for me to grab her. She came and walked right in front of the elevator watching the door close. She smiled at me in the way I only ever see her give to me. My name fell from her lips silently again. I wanted more of Blair because in reality she is so much better than those damn pictures.

* * *

A.N: This was always the intended ending of this fic. I know it seems like not ending at all. But it really was supposed to be a beginning now that Chuck is over atoning. I know readers might not be expecting that but when I began this, I was not thinking a cookie cutter happy ever after. Anne is the white light and her words are supposed to give hope that Blair and Chuck are not over. Chuck I think needed to forgive himself, which he is beginning to do here before he can seriously enter a relationship with Blair. It takes him until season five to show up actually say I am sorry for all the shit that happened in season 3.

However, due to the amount of people who really wanted Blair to be the person coming into his apartment I have the feeling not many will be happy about this ending. Honestly, I am not that happy now so I will post a third and FINAL chapter. That is going to a 'happier ending' for Chair fans and we will see more of Blair's feelings about everything since she really holds back here.

Lets me know what you think, Best.


	3. Take a Picture on the Empire StBuilding

I wanted this up around Valentines Day but that was a fail. It took so long because I was so back and forth with the ending. I did not know if I wanted to switch to a Blair POV, if I wanted Chuck to go back to London, if they makeup should be in New York or in London, if I wanted this to only be conversations with them or add Louis. This could have been done half a dozen ways in my head and frankly, I am not entirely sure that this fits the mood of the first two chapters. This chapter is a lot more cheerful than the first two and I am wondering if it does not flow.

There is something about New York City that I adore writing about. The city to me is unnamed cast member in GG. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own GG.

* * *

My head was plastered to the glass. Filled with anger and annoyance I wanted to get far far away from this city. Being in the same city as her is making my heartbeat thump with so much need that it was consuming me. It was pouring. The rain was hard, and fast the wind blowing it everywhere. I saw lighting striking the here and there. Even though I could not here it through the soundproofing according to my pilot there was a seriously thunder occurring. According to him, I would have to wait until midnight to take off. Hating sleeping in airplanes, I pushed the flight back to seven am. So I was stuck in New York City the last place I wanted to be. Even in this rain, all I saw beyond the glass was her. She haunted me. Here in the Empire she was everywhere. Every moment, every minute spent here I was forcing myself not to find my way to her apartment so I was refraining from getting too drunk. It may not be physically possible but my body did not care for physics for I was here struggling against every cell in my body to stay put.

Eric's graduation was today and there was a small gathering afterwards. Serena warned me that Blair was going to be there but I was not prepared to see her with him. I could not take my eyes off her. I watched her closely and it was clear why Serena and Nathaniel came to me. She was not herself. Her smile was weak and her presence in a room seemed small next to her finance. She never left his arm so we did not speak more than a few pleasantries when I was introduced to Prince Louis. However, we both watched each other from time to time our eyes connecting. She owned me with her gaze. The want on her face was clear. I think she knew that since she never tried to distance herself from Louis to seek me out. Rather he was her armor from me taking her in a spare bedroom. The placement of his hand on her back, when he tucked a hair behind her ear, when he kissed her embroiled me with anger. It was an emotion that I have not felt in so long and I was unable to conceal it so much so that Eric approached me only an hour into the gathering and released me from being there. Nevertheless, I could not leave, not when I finally felt my heart beat again. It was the first taste of a rich pudding; one bite could not be enough. So I watched with anger and in awe of her.

Arranging the soonest flight out after a meeting with Bass Industries to arrange my return after the wedding I was anxious to go to back to London. However, the rain, my only ally in London, had now failed me in my former home. I had no desire to go into the rain to for my feelings were already on high alert. Taking a sip of my scotch, I looked out the window of the Empire. I only returned to this building for some atonement. Yet, I found nothing but disgust with myself looking back at the man that I was once was. All I found was a man that would trade his love, his live, his breath, for his own greed, and misguided legacy.

There was a bing that broke the silence of the room. Instantly I stood taller knowing that only certain people had access to this elevator. Maybe it could be Nate and Serena again but I hope against hope that it would be Blair. I turned to watch the elevator open up to reveal Blair. She was soaked to the bone, her clothes molded to her body, and her hair plastered to her face but she was beautiful. There was a fire in her eyes and a glow to her face. She quickly walked up to me and suddenly I was being pushed back.

"You Basshole," she pushed me again. "How could you." Push. "You left." Push. "You left. You left me." Push. "I hate you. I hate you." Push. I was backed up against the wall. She began to bang on my chest as continued to yell at me. "I hate you Chuck Bass. You made me love you and it won't stop. I can't stop. You left me and never came back. I thought you were dead or hurt." She was crying now and her hits were weak but her words were hitting me harder than any physical violence. "You left me. I am not Blair Waldorf without you," were the last words I could understand before she began sobbing. I grabbed her and held her as if she was my life because well she was. Letting my head fall into her hair I repeatedly told her I was sorry.

"Blair, I am sorry…. Forgive me… I love you, always," I told her among other things as I let tears fall from my eyes.

The moment her tears stopped the change in my body was instant. My hurt flew into lust as I grabbed her turned so she was against the wall. She looked at me in surprise her mouth slightly opened and I dove right in. My lips were everywhere as I tried to kiss every part of her lips, her mouth, her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks, and her jaw. I kissed every each of her face. As I made my way down to her jaw, my rapid frenzy was slowed and I kissed her neck. I sucked on her neck slowly and listened her moans as she hoisted herself off the floor as she grabbed on my shoulders before quickly wrapping her legs around me. I was soaked from her wet clothes but I barely noticed. I pulled her shirt yanking it from her skirt lifting it overheard leaving her in her lace purple bra. Pausing I looked at her panting, wet, her neck red and mark, her eyes red from her tears. There she stood my savior, the light in my life.

"You sure?" I asked her. She nodded her head. Slowly, to allow her time to stop me, I leaned back in to kiss her lips savoring the moment before grabbed her backside in my palms to carry to the bedroom. I wanted this to be clear to her; I fully intended to make love to her. Sweet torturous love to show her that I belonged to her and she belonged to me.

Running my hands through my hair pushing it back from the sweat that was sticking to my forehead I glanced at the clock noting it was past three am. Blair sleepily looking at me with a wide grin but I was wide-awake. I was afraid to sleep because I worried that if I woke up than tomorrow it would all be a dream. I watched as she closed her eyes and drift off into sleep. I was not sure, when I drifted off, I must have watched her for at least twenty minutes. When I woke up to my alarm clock at six I was alone in my room. I called at for her hoping that she was still around but she gone. The only trace of her was in the scent of Chanel No. 5 in the air and sheets. I was dressed at super speed and rushed over to the Waldorf penthouse. I arrived by 6:30 and I even forgot my pocket square.

"Blair," I called out as soon as the elevator door opened. I needed her to know that I wanted her. I needed her.

"Chuck?" Blair questioned as she quickly ran down the steps. Her eyes were wide and frighten at my presence. I looked at her strangely as began to push me back to the elevator.

"You need to go. Right now. Chuck last night was a mistake. Leave," she rattled off.

"Blair, we both know it wasn't. Not with all the way that you were moaning," I smugly told her.

"Chuck. I am engaged, seriously. It was a mistake. You do not understand what happened with Louis and me. I was just hurt because of things you cannot understand," she tried to tell me.

"I know about you guys. I know he can't love you the way I can. Make you smile the way I can or satisfy you the way I can," I tried to get her to see the reason.

"Chuck please, Louis and I we are engaged," her voice was sassy and she was fighting back with me.

"You are only engaged because you got pregnant!" I yelled at her. She flinched and covered her belly as if she was protecting the child that no longer was. Tears welled up into her eyes she staggered back from me.

"You knew," she whispered in the air. I watched as she put the pieces together.

"I knew. Blair I am so sorry you would have been an amazing mother. It would have been an honor to see. Blair, I am," I reached out to her but she pulled back. I let my hands fall to my side and the words died on my lips.

"Louis is sweet and understanding and has been there for me during this time," she confessed. For a moment, I wondered if I lost her, had she fallen in love with him. But my own ego would never allowed me to acknowledged that pit of doubt that was forming. A lesser man would have let it eat him alive not me. I stood my ground.

"Let me be here," I stepped closer to her and she backed away again. "I am here!" my anger got the best of me and I began to doubt the strength of my own ego in the way that only Blair could make me do. But that's what love does. It gives someone the permission to break you into the million pieces with the right words or look. I could only pray she would not.

"But you weren't here, you left. You left for almost a year. And before you… you gave me out to your uncle. And… and you… didn't wait at the top of that building. You wanted to emulate one of my favorite movies and in the movie, he wanted until midnight until the Empire State Building closes. He waits! He waits hours for her and you couldn't wait for an extra one. Then you had the nerve to try to propose to me only, what an hour after that you sleep with someone. Besides the fact that you slept with my archenemy but then you had the audacity to almost propose to me with the scent of another woman on you. The scent of _her_ on you. How dare you. How dare you come here and tell me you love me and that you are sorry when you weren't even here to watch how all of that killed a part of me. How you broke a part of me so that I may never be able to fully trust someone ever again. You betrayed me," she lashed out. My anger was still boiling and I could not help but fire right back.

"Which part of that was you? The part that was able to go ahead and get knocked up and then married?" I bite right back. Silence took over the room and I knew my comment anger. The idea of hurting her also riled me up. Honestly, I was annoyed she was able to move on so easily. She was engaged to be married only a year after I tried to propose. While I was licking my wounds in London she was here with her prince becoming the American Princess.

The elevator was called to the lobby. "It's Louis," she whispered to me and her arms were wrapped around herself. I nodded and I turned my back to her to face the elevator. "You don't get to be mad at me anymore. You don't have the right to" she told me. I heard her step closer to me.

"Loving you makes it my right." She heard she gasp she made at my words before taking a deep breath. I was still turned away from her afraid to see the pain in her face again. I was tired of hurting her.

"And I would always love you but I can't anymore," she told me and I heard her step back from me. The doors opened to reveal her fiancé. He was surprised to see me.

"Chuck, good morning. It is a surprise to see you here so early," he asked and his posture was on edge. I felt his annoyance with me so I hoped he felt how annoyed I was.

"I am on my way to London. I just wanted to say a proper goodbye to Blair and offer my congratulations," I lied effortlessly. I was fuming with anger when he put out his hand for me to shake. I wanted to tell him how I had Blair in my bed last night and let him know how loud I her screams were. One look at the fear in Blair face let me know that I should keep my mouth there was no gain in outing her. I hurt her too much in the past and promised myself on multiple occasions that if given the chance I would never hurt her again. I shook his hand and left New York City.

I would like to say that I had matured in my distance and this encounter with Blair would serve as closure. Closure that I so desperately needed. Maybe then, I would not spend hours staring at her picture night after night. I guess that is half-true. The very first night back in London, I did not need the photos. Rather, the reality of the night before played perfectly in my head. As soon as I closed my eyes, it was as if I could taste her, smell her, see her but nothing made out for being able to touch her. There was still a distance, an ocean between us. My heart ached as I sat through meetings and conferences. Everyone and everything reminded me of her. Before the New York incident, I was able to separate my work life and the Blair obsessed portion of my life. I was determined to move past it. Hell she was getting married in a few months. Yea she came to my bed but it seemed like it was for nothing but a walk down memory lane.

It was only a few days in London before we had a day with shattered showers. The rainfall was random but the clouds were constant. I was looking out from my office that had glass-to-glass windows on two walls. I informed my secretary to cancel my limo for the evening because I wanted to walk home. I figured that the walk home would help the confusion I was feeling regarding Blair. Really, it was not so much intense confusion as it was intense emotion. I was drunk and was high after losing Blair each time in the past. I spent most of my heartbreak in a state that I could barely remember. The feeling of lost now after tasting heaven for a night was an acute. Rather than drink it away I made a decision to face it. I thought of Anne and how she was keeping sober and how close I was dying before I met her. I could not do that again. Not now. I needed to be strong and be the man that Blair could love. That she did love even if only from afar.

Walking home, I was caught in a rainstorm in the middle of my route home. I slowed to feel it against my skin. My hair was quickly getting drenched but still I walked slow hoping to find some sort of revelation. I found none. Nothing came to me and I realized that I was just caught in the rain. Blair was marrying another man. I was caught in the rain in the middle of London. All I wanted was to hold Blair close to me and smell the Chanel No. 5 come off her skin. I was caught in the rain in the middle of London and Blair was in New York City. The rain was washing away the scent of the Chanel No. 5 I sprayed on my ascot. I was stuck in the rain in the middle of London and Blair was in New York City, and I was coming for her.

It took me all of an hour to call my driver, my pilot, and to pack my own suitcase for the first time in my life. I changed out my wet clothes and changed into a sweat suit. I was also the first time I left an apartment without a tie or bow-tie sober or going to the gym. I figured I was going to shower and change in the jet. I just needed to get to New York as soon as possible. I was traveling back in time so leaving London at 7 pm the ten-hour flight had in New York at 6 am, which meant sleeping in the plane. Inter flight after ensuring with my assistant that a car would greet me at the airport I was sent a news alert. It was about five o'clock in New York and the news was breaking that royal wedding was no more. The wedding was off and I was stuck on a plane. I debated calling her and asking why she ended things with him. Why didn't she end things with him when I all but begged her? But I knew it was a conversation I needed to have in person with her so I refrained from calling.

The sun was rising as we entered the New York City air space. By the time, we touched down in Teterboro Airport the glow was emerging behind the New York City skyline. It was breathtaking and it was home. It was the sunrise that I watched when I made my way home many drunken nights, that greeted Blair and I as we celebrated into the night the first day I told her I loved her, that I waited for on 9/11 when I was too afraid to sleep, that awoken Blair and I on stakeouts, that was always there. It was calling me to a new day. As we drove towards the city, I alerted my driver to stop for bagels. They were fresh and warm in a way that was only possible in New York City. I was close to seven when I arrived at the Blair penthouse with bagels in hand. When I arrived at the penthouse and made my way with sunglasses and a hat through the pack of reporters outside. Even though I had a ten-hour flight to dwell on it, I was still unsure what I was going to say. But the elevator opened faster than I ever expected. I was in the Waldorf foyer being announced by Dorota before I could get my wits about me.

"Chuck?" Blair asked as she walked down the stairs in a white satin robe. Her hair and makeup looked done with alerted me to the fact that she was probably getting ready for her day. I noticed the cast on her hand was gone along with the ring.

"I just got in and I needed to see you. I brought food," I told her unable to stop my smile from spreading on my face. I put the bag on the table not breaking the gaze we shared.

"Did you just come here because the news. You think I am just going to run back to you now?" she asked. Her feisty snotty mood was enticing.

"I was in the air flying back when the news broke. I was going to tell you…" I words trailed off as I watched her walking closer.

"What…tell me what?" she smirked. I stepped closer to her smelling the freshly sprayed Chanel No. 5.

"That I am here to fight for you," the words felt foolish but it was the only rationalization to my sudden traveling. She turned away from me but the smile was clearly on her face.

"Did you sleep?" she asked me concern. I dumbly nodded unable to find the words. "Why did you come today, Chuck?"

"I was in London and I was leaving work I realized that I needed to be here. I could not leave things the way it ended. I am sorry and promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix what I did. I know it was wrong. I'll sell the Empire and I will do whatever it takes. Nothing I own means more than having you in my life. " I grabbed her shoulders anchoring her in front of me.

"When did you decide to come back?"

"Around six London time," I told her rubbed circles on her side.

She smiled and moved crossing to me until our bodies were touching. "That's one in New York right? I got my cast removed at 12:30 and as soon as it came off, I knew. I needed to end things with Louis. It is serendipitous," she kissed me suddenly. "I missed you. I love you," she said as she pulled away with a bright smile.

I knew my Blair would take that our similar decisions in different cites an ocean apart to be some romantic fortunate stroke of serendipity. I do not really buy it but if it made her happy to think that fate was pulling us together then that was fine by me. I never thought that today would end up this way. I thought for sure I was going to have to fight her to even see me. But here she was single and in love with me. Inevitable we are but maybe she was right maybe we are also fated. Finally, when we pulled away I had her face in the palm of her hands. I kissed every inch of her face making her giggling.

"I looked at pictures of you at night almost every night for eight months. I pretended you were still mine. I missed you every day for a year. I am sorry that I left. I thought you wanted me to. I thought I was being a good man or something." I confessed to her in our quiet moment. I never planned to tell her but I needed her to know that I never stopped looking for her everywhere I went.

"Stupid, I was always yours," she whispered with a smiled as she pulled me in to short kiss. "I looked at photos and videos of us time to time, too," she told me never letting me out of her grasp.

"I should point out that our pictures having sex are lacking. I think we should work on that," I smirked at her and she bit my neck in response playfully.

"Mmmm kitten that is a yes, right," I asked before picking her up and her to the stairs. I silenced her laugh with a kiss.

It was not until we were back in her bedroom undressing did I notice the tears. I asked her what was wrong before kissing her tears away. "You came back to me," she kissed me. "You came home."

"We are inevitable."

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So done and in a very corny way. But cute no? I am realistic with a pinch of hopeless romantic but this was just a lot hopelessness for me. I wanted them to have that year apart to grow and mature because their love was tearing themselves apart from season 3-4 so rather than have that in my fic-world I had them grow apart from each other. Love was never the issue everything else was with these two. There is still a lot they have to work on but I thought I gave Blair a moment to release her anger and to disrupt Chuck's depressed cycle. I wanted Blair to make the choice to leave Louis separate from Chuck, which his trip to London allowed. The idea that they both came to the same conclusion that they wanted to be with each other at the same time miles apart warms my heart a bit. Practically I did not want Chuck only to run back because she was single but I wanted her to be single at the end so the flight time allowed from that. Fingers crossed the time changes were right.

Review and let me know whatcha think. I am currently working on my longer fic Dangerous Affections so check that out if you want.


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